Saturday, May 9, 2015

BGR myths & misconceptions

Marrying your first boyfriend (and other BGR myths & misconceptions)

my favourite photo of us to date

This afternoon J.G. and I are invited to be guests at a BGR Forum. I shudder at the thought.
What if they are expecting nice well-composed married couples who have had equally smooth-sailing and wonderful dating histories. . . I'm probably on the other end of that spectrum.

Also, what if they ask embarrassing questions like when did you have your first kiss?
My personality is completely unsuited for P.D.A (public displays of affection for the unknowing)
because I'm the cynical one who rolls her eyes at couples snuggling together in the train or on the escalator.

Nonetheless, if I survive this forum, I will return to share my experience in another blog post. For now, these are some popular statements I've heard about boy-girl relationships that I have SERIOUS issues with. Have a read an share your thoughts with me -

1. You have to be sure you will marry the person before you date him/her

But if you are SO sure, what's the point of the dating / discovering / learning process? Is that not what dating is for in the first place? So you end up eventually marrying the right dude.

2. Dating and courtship are totally different things

What was that again?

3. Sleeping / living together is cool as long as I end up marrying him/her

Since you're going to get married anyway. . .why not wait till then?

4. The best time to date is when I'm mature enough

Don't kid yourself. Who's ever mature enough?

5. Marry your first love 

Don't even get me started.


As you can see, I'm a terrible source of wise words and dating advice.

But I would love to hear your thoughts and / or if you have any other statements you'd like to me to rip apart. 

Still Grateful,


  1. Hi Amy!

    I stand on the side of being a male and also having dated (dating) only once.

    w.r.t. 1:

    I would want to be sure that I "will be willing" to marry the person before I date her. Breaking up is messy, both emotionally and financially, and even more so if there are mutual friends. At the very least, the reason for the break up should be because I am obnoxious and not because I am not willing to settle!

    Imagine giving a verbal "yes" to a contract, and upon reading the terms more closely, then refusing to sign it. Pisses people off, wastes time and therefore largely unnecessary. Don't date if you're not sure! Of course, this works on the premise that you can already find out everything you need simply by being friends, which I think is very possible. Is that not the reason why Jon Ji and you only dated for 7 months (? hope I paid enough attention on Saturday) and it still works?

    w.r.t. 4:

    Or rather, the worst time to date is when you are not mature. I am fairly sure that there is a "jerk" phase and a "committed" phase for us boys, separated loosely along the same line between "not mature" and "mature". In fact, I think if my male friends were to ask me whether they should get into a dating relationship, I could immediately tell them to go for it or go home. Pretty clear cut for boys. Girls... uhh...

    w.r.t. 5:

    Hope I'm not getting you started!

    But I really believe that for males, they have a somewhat lingering emotional attachment to their first love, defining 'first love' as a female who had received much emotional investment. I get this from scientific journals, those stupid online stuff that gets shared on Facebook, forum whinings, blogs, and my very own introspective brain and gut feeling as a male. True, feelings fade over time, and it might not pose a risk to future relationships, but it will always be a soft spot. Forever.

    With that in mind, seems like good common sense to "marry your first love". I suggest a combination of "trying very hard to make your first love work" and "fleeing very quickly from any potential bad matches before feelings intensify".

    Once again, boy's perspective. Sorry for the formatting or the lack of it, they don't let me format my comment. Try to imagine me saying the above with a very excited and happy voice, I am not trying to antagonize. As you can see, and I openly declare, I am very enthusiastic about topics regarding BGRs. Yay.

    Have a blessed week and a healthy journey leading up to the delivery of your child! Many of us are rooting for you (and/or Jonathan).


    1. Thanks for that detailed reflection. Very true on many counts I must say.
      And also it's really wonderful to go into a relationship being willing to marry the person you date. For a guy that's really simply being responsible.

      Not the authority for girls. But I think respect and sincerity are key areas for them. Yup. Might do a more detailed post about that~!

      Once again, thank you for sharing. Really grateful.