Thursday, December 10, 2015

Baby Bumps: No Plan B

four month old

     Today marks humblet's fourth month with us. I'm still unsure when she cries, despite dozens of reassurances that mothers always know. I'm also still unsure about being able to work from home, seeing how clocking ten hours a week seems like a miracle in itself, much less twenty.

But I am increasingly certain that this little chubby ball is my daughter. The way she grimaces when people try to take a photo of her, or the raised eyebrow and her default frown. More recently she's displayed a preference for sleeping on her side and talking animatedly to her friend in the mirror. Most definitely my daughter.

This past month saw a couple of firsts -

A swim to commemorate her 100th day
The first time she's grabbed her own rattle
Her first mini trip out of the country
Turning onto her tummy and pushing herself upright


     They warned me that babies' personality begin to show at around now. They were not kidding.

     Biting when she's angry. Screaming when she's made to eat and is not hungry and middle of the night gymnastics that result in mysterious yoga-like poses when I find her in the morning. Crying for a whooping forty-five minute marathon before going down for a nap.

On one such day, J.G. came back to a very discouraged and frustrated wife. I told him plainly that I think heaps of mothers out there can do a better job for humblet. I grumbled about how I was hopeless at this motherhood thing and also how I felt humblet deserved better.

He waited patiently for my rant to end.
Leveled my shoulders, looked me in the eye and said,
'There may be better mothers and fathers out there and we are certainly far from the best, but we are her only parents. She does not want better parents or other parents, she wants us. She loves you, not because you're the perfect mum, but because you're her mum. There is no one else she'd rather have.'

And that simple fact flipped my entire self-pitying episode on it's head.

star wars?

     On a more positive note, she's also found her laughter. When we jiggle her cheeks, raise her chubby legs during a massage or give her attention at the dinner table - she'd look us straight in the eye and laugh. Sometimes it's a chuckle, other times it's a full on head throwing laugh.

And so here I am, four months a mum. Still a noob, but a rather well-loved and grateful one.


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