How did you prepare your older child for the arrival of your
next child?
In this post, we share openly and honestly what were some of
the things we did. Both the good and the not-so-good.
The Good
We gave Humblet lots of prep time. Hey, nine months is a long wait for a sibling. Maybe a little too long. We told Humblet around the
third month about her impending promotion to older sister (as well as
dethronement from being the only child). She took it really well and started
naming us all her friends who already had younger siblings. If you remember
this post, Humblet was the one who started asking for a sibling in the first
place. The only downside of her excitement was that she would then ask the same
question for the next six months, “is Didi coming out yet?”
When we went for check ups she would sometimes tag along. On
days she could not join us, she would ask to see baby’s photograph. How she
interprets that white mass on a black sheet I have no idea. But she loved to
see baby any way.
Best thing we decided to do?
Solo time. Every day, rain or shine, Humblet would get 20 to
30minutes of her own time with each parent. Singlet would be whisked out of
sight and hearing range (if he were crying) so Humblet got our undivided attention.
Dad has bathed her every day possible since the first day
she arrived home at 3 days old. And that continues to be their favourite time of
the day. They talk about their days, scrub all the bath toys clean and end of
with a bubble party. Mum time is pretty straight forward, she wants me to read.
Although I no longer have the time (nor energy) to read her ten books before bed
time, we still have the luxury to read three or four per night.
Humblet really looks forward to spending one-on-one time
with us, but what has been most profitable is that she models us and tries to
do time with her brother as well. She often goes over to him when he is doing
blanket time or tummy time. “I’m reading to Didi” she will announce or “I’m
also doing tummy time” which means rolling all around him while he tries to
keep his head up.
The Bad
We Heard Ourselves Compare.
This was frightening because we consciously told ourselves
not to do it before Singlet came along. And then the inevitable happened. We
tell Humblet how well Singlet sleeps compared to her. We tell Singlet how well
Humblet drinks / poops compared to him.
We apologise to the kids (yes to the baby as well) and then we remind ourselves that they are unique individuals growing up at their own pace and time. Comparing simply causes a rift in their relationship whereas affirmation will bring them a lot closer. May we always remember the latter.
The Ugly
Who are we kidding? Humblet, as much as she is a wonderful
older sister has her days too. Screaming and kicking up a fuss because mummy
can’t put her to bed. Refusing to bathe until daddy gets home to play bubbles
with her. Throwing a tantrum because her annoying younger brother keeps crying
and no one has time to read to her.
That being said, we are just as human too. There are days we find ourselves so snappy, particularly days when we had three to four feeds in the night. So when Humblet has one of her fits, while we do not condone bad behaviour, we recognise she is only a three-year-old trying to cope with the many emotions involved in welcoming a new sibling, being always the center of attention and having grumpy, tired parents.
All in all, we are still figuring this whole sibling thing out. After all we've only been parents of two kids for less than three months. This means we need to give each other and ourselves a lot more grace, show both children a lot more patience and take our time to learn what it means to love as a family.
Do share with us some things you did to prepare your older child for a sibling! We'd love to hear from you!
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